What the Q is going on?
by CaptainParisStarr
Summary: Q shows up to mess with the Captain and First Mate of the Enterprise causing them to realize unexpected feelings for each other. Crack fic, smut and crossdressing warnings.


What The Q Is Going On?

The shift started off like any other; the usual status reports and crew chatter as delta shift left the bridge and alpha shift filled in. Jim Kirk arrived ahead of the rest of alpha shift, like he normally tried to do, with only moderate success. All to often he had to rush to get to the bridge on time, and Spock had pulled him aside twice to enquire why he was 'making it a habit to be almost late to shift.' Spock's words, not his.

It was almost an hour into the shift and nothing more interesting than a few specks of space dust of unknown composition had occurred.

"_Whoever said that sea travel was 'weeks of tedium broken by moments of terror' should have tried space travel. This feels more like months of tedium broken by mere seconds of terror." _Jim pushed himself up out of the captain's chair, and turned to inform Spock that he would be in his ready room catching up on paperwork, but the words caught in his throat. At that same moment the turbo lift doors opened and a second Captain James T. Kirk walked onto the bridge.

Taking advantage of Jim's shock the second Captain Kirk broke the silence first. "Surprised to see me, _Mon __Capitaine_?" He sauntered over to where Jim stood, every crewmen present staring at him.

"Surprised? You could say that. Who the hell are you and why do you look exactly like me?" Jim finally managed to exclaim.

"I can appear as anyone I wish to." As he spoke the intruders appearance changed so now there were two Spocks instead of two Jim Kirks, the only difference being the smirk on the doppelgangers face.

Taking a moment to note his crew's reactions, he realized that everyone except Spock was finding the image of him smirking a little disquieting. Spock, was simply studying the intruder as though he was simply a slide beneath a microscope; something to be marvelled over but no more.

"Who are you and what are you doing aboard my ship?" Jim got right up into the second Spock's face.

"Who said this is still your ship?" He snapped his fingers and disappeared. "Up here, _Capitaine_."

Jim looked up to find a tall, slim, brunette humanoid male hovering above him. "Ok new question; What are you?"

"You may call me Q." was all the answer he got. Q floated back down to the deck. "You seem fun to play with, and I am so bored. The rest of the Q think humanity is still to childish a race for us to bother with, but that's what makes you fun to play with. Come play with me?" He extended a hand towards Jim and the Captain disappeared before he had a chance to respond. Q scanned the rest of the bridge crew, then disappeared. It was several seconds before anyone realized that Spock was also gone.

Jim found himself inside a cube. There were no windows or doors, and every surface was uniform blinding white. Stumbling backwards, he hit something warm and solid. He spun around so fast that Spock had to grab his arm to stabilize him, for it was Spock that he had backed into.

"Captain, are you alright?" Spock enquired, releasing Jim's arm.

"Spock? Yeah... I'm a bit disoriented, that's all. Where are we? And was anyone else brought here?"

Jim tried looking around but the bright glare made his eyes water and he was forced to close his eyes.

"I do not know where we are, or how we came to be here. However, we are alone here." Spock glanced around with more success than Jim. "I believe that Q transported us to this location, however I fail to see how, or where he is."

As if waiting for his cue, Q chose that moment to appear. "How you came to be here is none of your concern. You are here as my... guests. That should be enough for you." He smirked sadistically as he spoke, making it clear that they were not 'guests' at all.

"Why have you brought us here?" Jim retorted, trying to think of some way to turn the situation to his advantage.

"You are here to entertain me, in any way I choose." Q sauntered over, his eyes drinking in Jim's body as he did so.

Jim felt chilled by the heated way the other man was looking at him. "If I entertain you, will you return my First Officer to the Enterprise?"

"No, he will also entertain me." All Jim's effort got him was Q shifting his gaze to Spock, but Spock gave no sign that he noticed the way he was being looked at. "You are two of the most beautiful mortal men I have ever come across, so this will be fun indeed." Q snapped his fingers, and the blinding whiteness vanished, replaced by what appeared to be a cross between a dungeon and a bedroom.

"How exactly do you want us to entertain you?" Jim's eyes were wide as he looked around him. On the walls were whips, manacles, and even blades- the whole room seemed like a sex dungeon. He avoided looking at the bed. _"What the fuck is going on here?" _He thought desperately. _"Does he want us to have sex with him? Or with each other...?" _In all his years he had never once been consciously attracted to a man, nor had he ever wondered what it would be like to sleep with one, Spock least of all. _"But is that really true? Can you really say that you don't desire Spock sexually?"_ He pushed the thought away- Spock was a friend and colleague, nothing more.

Suddenly Jim was snapped back to reality by a hand caressing his chest. "Stop that!" He said, or tried to, but found that he could move nothing but his eyes, and was unable to stop Q from sliding the hand down to the front of his pants in a gentle caress.

Q smirked as he massaged Jim through his pants, but after a moment he frowned instead. "Whats wrong, Captain? Don't you like me?"

Jim felt the force that was holding him frozen in place leave him and he instantly stumbled backwards a few steps. "No I don't, not like that. I don't do guys!" He spat disgusted that he would let a guy touch him like that under _any_ circumstance.

"What a pity... and here I thought that you would be as much fun as that _Capitaine_Picard that my brother was always talking about... Course he never tried to get with Picard, but the rules keeping the Q from mating with mortals are stupid..." Q seemed lost in his musings of his brother and 'Picard'- whoever that was- so Jim took the opportunity to whisper; "Spock, any idea how to get us back to the Enterprise?"

"Ah ah ah, you aren't thinking of trying to escape, now are you." Q reached out and grabbed Jim's shoulder. "I'm not finished with you yet."

"What of me?" Spock asked simply to draw Q's attention away from Jim.

"Be patient, you'll get your turn soon enough." The ploy fell flat as Q failed to turn so much as his eyes away from Jim. Running his hands once more down Jim's chest, he suddenly shoved him backwards, hard enough for him to crash into Spock.

As Spock's hands instinctively gripped Jim's waist to steady him, Jim felt his heart begin to race, and his face heat up. He pulled away from Spock, fast enough to earn a chuckle from Q.

"So you don't do guys, eh? It certainly looks like you make an exception for _him_..." Q's emphasis of the word 'him' made Jim blush even harder, earning him another chuckle.

"No! You've got it wrong! Spock's a friend, nothing more..." Jim's voice failed as his doubts returned.

Satisfied with his first toy for the moment, Q finally shifts his attention to Spock. Running his eyes up and down Spock's body, he examined his new toy. "Hmm... what to do with you? What will make you drop that calm facade, and make you show your true emotions?"

"Nothing you can do will phase me. I refuse to comply with your will and be your 'toy'."

"Nothing? Impossible, there has to be something... I know!" With a quick snap of his fingers he changed what Spock was wearing. Instead of his Starfleet uniform, Spock found himself dressed in a corset, fishnet stockings, ladies underwear, and five inch heels.

Embarrassment flooded through him, but he quickly tried to suppress the unwelcome emotion, while simultaneously struggling to keep his balance. He was only partially successful- his face was lit with a slight blush that he couldn't remove, and he ended up sprawled on the ground the moment he tried walking towards anything that would help him stay upright.

"Now, Captain, I want to watch you fuck him, right here and now, so onto the bed. Both of you."

Jim opened his mouth to protest, to once more state that he didn't like Spock in that way, but closed it again as he realized that his body was betraying him. He was harder than he had been since he was a teenager, painfully hard, and every motion was sweet agony as he found himself walking, not towards the bed like Q had commanded, but towards Spock.

Standing proved more difficult than Spock had anticipated, as the shoes he was wearing proved to have almost no grip to them. It was almost a relief when Jim held out a hand in a silent offer to help him regain his feet. He took it, and through the skin-to-skin contact sent out a thought; _"Shall we do as he says, and 'fuck' in front of him?"_

It took Jim a moment to realize that Spock was using his touch telepathy to communicate in a way that Q couldn't hear. _"Do you want to?" _Jim replied without thinking.

Spock quickly realized what Jim was really asking; not if he'd be willing to play along with Q's plans, but if he wanted to have sex with Jim. He slowly moved towards the bed, still holding Jim's hand to maintain the telepathic connection, wobbling on the heels.

"_Yes, I want to. I am uncertain I want to have an audience, though." _Reaching the edge of the bed the two men looked at each other for a long moment, uncertain how to proceed.

"_That makes two of us. I have never done anything with a guy..." _Jim released his grip on Spock, embarrassed at his inexperience, and unwilling to let Spock know just how scared he was of accidentally hurting him because he didn't know what he was doing.

"Are you two thinking of trying to resist? I can make you do anything I wis-" Q was cut off mid word.

"This is quite enough 'fun'." A new voice rang out through the room. Jim looked around and found a woman standing behind Q who hadn't been there a moment ago.

"But, Q, I was only playing." Q whined to the newcomer.

"Q, you know the rules as well as I. No sexual contact with mortals, and you also time travelled illegally. Now come, you have been summoned to appear before the council. But first..." The female Q waved her hand and Jim and Spock found themselves back on the bridge. Fortunately for them, Jim felt like a bucket of ice had been poured down his pants, and Spock was once more in his uniform.

The bridge was in a state of organized chaos, and half the crew began talking at once when they saw there Captain and First Officer reappear.

Jim cut them off. "Status report, Mr. Sulu. How long were we gone for?"

"Less than a minute. Captain, what happened just now?" Sulu asked, clearly expressing the concern of everyone present on the Bridge.

Jim hesitated, uncertain how to reply.

"The Captain and I were transported by the being calling himself Q to another place, or perhaps plane of existence. There he tried to toy with us, but another of his species intervened, and returned us here." Spock replied truthfully enough, omitting how they were expected to entertain the Q.

Jim walked over to the Captain's chair and cancelled the Red Alert, then left the Bridge, giving Spock the Conn. Even though his erection had abated, Jim still felt aroused, and knew that he was too distracted to be on the bridge. And he did have that growing stack of paperwork that he'd been putting off doing for several weeks now- why had no one warned him that being a Captain came with so much paperwork?

Several hours later he was still slugging his way through the piles, which seemed to grow bigger the more he worked at reducing them. Occasionally he glanced at the time, and wondered if he should meet Spock for a game of chess like they had planned. Chess itself wasn't the problem, it was the fact that they played the game in Spock's quarters, and after what happened earlier he wondered if being alone with the Vulcan would be a good idea.

The time to meet Spock for the game came and went, with Jim still working through the piles which, thankfully, now started to actually look smaller. Pushing away from the desk, he went to the replicator and got himself a sandwich and a coffee. Just as he finished eating, his door chimed.

"Spock..." He trailed off, wondering what to say, as he reluctantly allowed Spock to enter his quarters.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Spock surprised Jim by kissing him softly on the lips. Then he was lifted up and laid gently on the bed with Spock climbing on top of him. "I don't know what I'm doing here..." Jim didn't realize he had spoken aloud until Spock replied; "I do, so just trust me."

Stiffening in surprise, Jim stared up at his First Officer. "You do? As in you've had sex with guys?"

Spock nodded, then leaned down and kissed Jim again, before pulling away suddenly and headed for the bathroom. Figuring Spock just needed to pee or something, Jim took the moment to calm himself and mentally review everything he knew on gay sex, which was almost nothing. He knew it was by nature anal, and that was it; no helpful tidbits on if it hurt much or what positions worked or anything like that.

A moment later he got the biggest surprise of his life when Spock emerged from the bathroom- wearing a dress. And not just any dress; it was a slinky, form-fitting emerald green one that did nothing to make Spock look feminine, though it somehow oddly suited him. Speechless, he could do nothing but stare as Spock crossed the room and climbed up onto the bed once more, straddling Jim's hips, the fabric of the dress riding up his thighs as he did so, making it clear that he was not wearing any underwear, regulation or otherwise.

Neither man spoke as Spock freed Jim's cock from his pants, slicked it down with lube from a bottle he produced seemingly from thin air, and, pulling the skirt up to his waist, repositioned himself so he could take Jim into his body, which he then did. He then started rotating his hips, setting an easy rhythm at first, then speeding up as his body adapted to the penetration.

After a moment, Jim moved his hands to Spock's hips, silently urging him to go faster, panting slightly from pleasure. Spock was tighter than he thought anyone could be, than any girl he'd ever been with, not that he'd analed any of them. Then, frustration at his lack of control winning out over arousal at seeing Spock ride him, he managed to flip them over so Spock was under him on the bed, and, lifting Spock's legs over his shoulders, he started pounding him into the bed, the sexual tension that had existed between them since they first meet exploding now into uncontrolled lust.

Spock allowed Jim to gain control, then pulled Jim down to kiss him deeply, their tongues duelling as Jim's pace increased even more as he approached his climax, slamming into Spock as hard as he could as he was finally pushed over the edge and flooded Spock's canal with hot cum, before collapsing onto his chest.

Shifting slighting under Jim to a more comfortable position, Spock wrapped his arms around Jim's middle and was content to just hold him, even as his cum dried on his stomach and Jim's ran down his thighs. Moments later, however, he was pushing the now sleepy human off him and heading once more to the bathroom to clean himself up. When he returned, once more wearing his uniform, he found Jim lying on his side looking at him.

"So, are ya going to tell me how you came to own a dress?" He asked lazily.

Spock sat down on the edge of the bed, beside Jim. "When I first enrolled at Star Fleet Academy, I was assigned a shared dorm room with a human male named Skylar Gray. He made it obvious from the first time we met that he was attracted to me, and I soon found myself returning his attention. We secretly dated for about a year, and the dress was a gift from him during that time."

"Was this Skylar your first lover?"

"No. I had been with one man previously, back on Vulcan. The son of one of my Mother's friends when they visited for a few months. He was sixteen and I was seventeen in human years." Spock didn't elaborate and Jim decided not to pry, for the moment at least.

Quickly loosing a battle to stay awake, he settled back down on the bed, and was pleasantly surprised when Spock settled down beside him, rolling Jim towards him so Jim's head was resting on his chest. As they fell asleep, both wondered what there new relationship meant for them and for the crew of the Enterprise, but decided that those were matters best left for the morning.


End file.
